As the Phillies “rebuild” gathers momentum and they remind
us how they became the first franchise in sports history to 10,000 losses, I
find myself strangely detached. I mean, spring training is almost over and still, I could really care less. It’s
borderline apathy, truth be told.
How
can we care, I ask you? I know it's only spring training, but the games are
heart-wrenchingly bad, and frustrating and boring with a capital B, and
frustrating. So damned frustrating. From watching the slow gruesome baseball
death that is a Ryan Howard at bat to the errant Cody Ashe/Freddy
Galvis/Everyone in the outfield blindfolded ring toss competition and by the
way, HEY PHILLY FANS, geuss what, Cody
Ashe is not Chase Utley no matter how much praise the broadcasters heap on him
(Ashe). Ashe’s a one-tool wonder, super
nice guy sure, but Chase was a legit five tool guy who’s going to be a first
ballet Hall of Famer. SO SHUT-UP ALREADY, Maikel Franco belongs in the bigs right freakin now.
Simply, to shorten a rather endless and somewhat hysterical
rant, the current 25, hell, even the 40 man roster is short on upside. If and when the Phillies put together another
good team, none of these guys will be on it.
In the immortal words of the Boomer, “C’mon, MAN!”.
The only “exciting” player on the team is Odubel Herrera – a
Rule 5 guy, who has the look of a super utility/ fourth outfielder type. You need these kinds of guys on a winning
club, of course, but you can’t build your team around one.
(Ahem! Ok Ken Giles fans, yes, watching Giles sling that nasty
filthy dirty sliding dirty fall off the table slidercutter thingie and then hit
triple digits is goshdarnhooey fun, but, honestly, Giles is a reliever. A closer at best. Someone who’ s involved ONLY when your
team is ALREADY winning a ballgame.)
So, CMON MAN!
But, but, but, you say.
I love the Phillies, and I love baseball so so much, you say. What will I do with my summer, you say. Dear god, WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY SUMMER!
Well fear not dear and truest Phillies fan, you will play
fantasy baseball my friend and you will win your own championship. Or at the very least have some sort of
coherent strategy to win that is NOT pre-destined to utter failure because of a
set of roster crushing contractual obligations, missed opportunities, a
confoundingly inability to assess your own
players’s strengths and value and hell, some pretty freakish career ending injuries - We still
love you DOC HALLADAY from out here in the cheap seats. May the force be with you always our dearest
and truest friend.
The Making of a
Champion – how to inspire awe and envy; a look back at the Phorum’s STUNNING,
MIRACULOUS, IMPROBABLE BUT UNDENIABLELY AWESOME run to the 2014 Championship
Before we begin, I need to preface this with a big flashing
aterisks. This blog will be based on the
Phorum’s fantasy baseball experience - which is really kind of limiting, if you
think about it. Additionally this will
only be my second year playing, so while yes, I did win my League Championship
last year in an unbelievable Kansas City Royals-esque eschew the stats and go
with the gut kinda comeback for the ages (HAHAHAHAHAHA little bitches and
thank-you for your money-hehehehhehehehee), I most likely don’t know what the
hell I’m talking about.
With that in mind, I also want to say that the comeback last
year wasn’t a complete aberration of luck and circumstance. There was a method to my reeling off five
straight at the end. I made two major,
somewhat insane adjustments during the season and discovered a secret (which I will share with you - for FREE!) that
transformed my team into an unstoppable force.
So hang tight, dearest truest fan of the Fightin's, you are about to embark on a voyage of awesomeness.
